Missing our beautiful Keely Gale

Monday, January 17, 2011

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends

I truly try so hard to not be bitter; for this reason, I have been unable to update my blog in the last seven months. There are so many things I want to say. There are even more things I just want to scream. I feel completely alone in life. The time comes when people stop checking up on you. Your phone is silent. The sign that everyone else has moved on with their lives is flashing brightly in front of your broken face. I try not to draw too much attention to my loss and my sadness, but I have days where I cannot contain it. Days when I simply need to get it off my chest. Today is one of those days. I am at a loss as to why people, friends, family, will not talk to me about Keely. Do they truly feel like they are going to remind me that I lost my child?? Are they under the impression that I might have forgotten for even a second that I don't have my beautiful daughter? Sometimes, probably more than I should, I update my status to give way that I am having a bad day. The only friends to respond are the ladies who have gone through a loss as well. Over Christmas I only had one friend ask me how the day went. One. No one in my family mentioned it either. I am aware that death is such a taboo subject, no one knows exactly how to handle it. I also know that I have been guilty of this myself. I think a lot of people only know the pain of death from that of an extended family member, an Uncle, maybe a grand parent. I think for this reason, people don't realize that my pain has not lessened over time. When an extended family member dies, you do not lose all your hopes and dreams. When I lost Keely, my future vanished in an instant. I carried my daughter for the full 40 weeks. She had a life waiting on her....we planned a life with her, and it was taken away from us. I may never have held her in my arms and watched her breathe. I may never have made eye contact with her, but I did hold her in my arms. I did kiss her cheek. I did look at her face and tell her how much I loved her, and how sorry I was. I also burried my child. And for all of these things, I will forever be bitter. I will forever need someone to give me a hug, I will forever need someone to ask me how I am doing.


  1. I'm so sorry you aren't getting support from your family and friends. It can be so difficult when everyone else moves on as if nothing happened. ((HUGE HUGS)) to you.

  2. (((hugs))) I love you hun. I wish there was a better way for our friends and family to know how to help us.

  3. You don't really know me but I know your pain so I wanted to give you a hug. ((hugs))

  4. Tashi,

    I do not understand what you are going through for even a second, but I was recently touched by the loss of a friend. She was not a close friend, but the battle she went through was unfair. I have not had a lot of experience with death, but I was mad that this sweet innocent girl had to leave this world. I have been thinking about you this week and how unfair your sweet innocent Keely's death was. I know that you feel a similar way times a trillion. I have been reading the book "Choosing To See". There is a part in the book about how Beth Moore had a dream that Mary's daughter is holding her hand walking along side her. It gave me a little peace relating to my friend.

    I know there are no words, and maybe that is why people don't say anything to you, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.


  5. I'm so sorry that you know the pain and bitter-sweet joy of living with a baby in heaven. My heart breaks for you and your husband.

    I stumbled upon your blog while looking for a different Hearts in Heaven blog that I'm a member of. It was a blessing to read your thoughts and feelings. I'd love to copy them and give them to all of the well-meaning, yet miserable comforters who are in my life.

    Our lives, like yours, changed in 2010. I also carried our daughter, Grace, for 9 months only to watch her die in my arms 11 hours later.

    How has your healing been going? Is healing even possible? Everyone seems to think that time heals all. I'm still wondering "How much time?"

    I was happy to see the Bible passage that you included from Lamentations in one of your postings. I've been a Christian all of my life. If only that made grief any easier. We have the sure hope of seeing Keely and Grace again. As difficult as this continues to be, let us remember that we miss our daughters. We will see them again.